Top 20 Funniest Quotes of All Time
Laughter is truly the best medicine, and sometimes, all you need is a clever quote to turn your day around. Whether you’re looking for humor to lighten the mood or just want a good laugh, these top 20 funny quotes will surely deliver.
1. “I am so clever that sometimes I don’t understand a single word of what I am saying.”
— Oscar Wilde
2. “People say nothing is impossible, but I do nothing every day.”
— A.A. Milne (Winnie the Pooh)
3. “I’m writing a book. I’ve got the page numbers done.”
— Steven Wright
4. “I used to think I was indecisive, but now I’m not too sure.”
— Anonymous
5. “If you think nobody cares if you’re alive, try missing a couple of payments.”
— Earl Wilson
6. “I always wanted to be somebody, but now I realize I should have been more specific.”
— Lily Tomlin
7. “Why do they call it rush hour when nothing moves?”
— Robin Williams
8. “A day without laughter is a day wasted.”
— Charlie Chaplin
9. “My therapist says I have a preoccupation with vengeance. We’ll see about that.”
— Stewart Francis
10. “Behind every great man is a woman rolling her eyes.”
— Jim Carrey
11. “I’m not arguing, I’m just explaining why I’m right.”
— Anonymous
12. “Life is short. Smile while you still have teeth.”
— Mallory Hopkins
13. “I haven’t spoken to my wife in years. I didn’t want to interrupt her.”
— Rodney Dangerfield
14. “You can’t have everything. Where would you put it?”
— Steven Wright
15. “I’m on a seafood diet. I see food and I eat it.”
— Anonymous
16. “If at first you don’t succeed, then skydiving definitely isn’t for you.”
— Steven Wright
17. “A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.”
— Steven Wright
18. “The road to success is always under construction.”
— Lily Tomlin
19. “I told my wife the truth. I told her I was seeing a psychiatrist. Then she told me the truth: that she was seeing a psychiatrist, two plumbers, and a bartender.”
— Rodney Dangerfield
20. “To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.”
— Wilson Mizner
Conclusion
These top 20 funny quotes show how humor can be the perfect escape in a stressful world. Whether witty, sarcastic, or just plain silly, each quote brings its own charm. Share these with friends, use them in your captions, or just keep them bookmarked for when you need a good laugh.